Speaking very little french, I felt as confident as one could be about communicating in a foreign language, mostly oweing to the fact that back in mon cours de français I scored particularly well on le chapitre nourriture, not surprisingly I might add! But before I could utter a single French phrase I found myself lost in the busy labyrinth of larder; It was painfully obvious that more than just language barriers blocked my way.
Well at least I knew how to grab a grocery cart and begin, right? Wrong! The grocery carts available were few, and they were chained together*. So I gave up on a grocery cart, I didn't need it anyway, I had a rolling bag on wheels that I borrowed from my host. I would be just fine. But was it acceptable to place items in my bag before paying? I had no idea. I didn't know how to ask in French, and nobody spoke English. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and I hadn't even begun.
Luckily, Gurpreet who was with me, noticed that people were paying for their items seperately at each counter. It is imperative at this moment that I mention I am not an idiot, I repeat: je ne suis pas une idiote! Although at the time I was not so sure. I had heard that this is the way the French shop for their groceries, seperate stores (or in this case counters) for each type of food product, but in that moment, when every detail was at least slightly different from the norm (my norm I should say) it was easy to become overwhelmed and take what you're used to for granted.
And so I made my way to la boucherie for some chicken and steak. "Bonjour Monsieur" I said and smiled to the man behind the counter. "Bonjour Madame" he replied and said what I can only assume was "what can I get for you?" I answered: "Je voudrais deux biftec s'il vous plait" feeling pretty damned proud of myself. He looked a little confused but proceeded to pull out a big juicy hunk of red meat on a carving board.
Yum, steak! He pointed to it with his knife, looked at me and asked a question I didn't understand. Oh no, I panicked, I didn't understand, "desolee" I mumbled, "parlez-vous anglais??" He looked annoyed and walked away. Wow, I thought, French people aren't very nice! But a few moments later he returned with a woman who spoke English, very little, but enough. I was relieved.
"Allo" she said, "how many kilograms of steak?" What? Kilograms? I turned to Gurpreet with a dumb look slapped to my face, as if to say "do you know how to use kilograms?" Two pounds would be nice, whatever the heck that is in kilograms. The lady could obviously see my distress and took the knife from the butcher. I thought she might jump over the counter with it, but luckily instead she pointed to the meat, "thin slice? " she said. I, feeling completely embarrassed, was thankful for her understanding and willingness to help, "oui" I answered, "deux, s'il vous plait, merci, merci beaucoup!!!"
This was not the end of my crash course in Parisian grocery shopping either. When we got to the counter to pay, our outdated (I like to call it vintage) smart-chip-lacking credit card did not work. Probably because they haven't had to process one since the middle ages. We had heard that this can be a problem in Europe, and I wish we had listened because we did and we do feel like old, out of touch farts! Fortunately we had euros in our pocket (accepted everywhere!) to pay for our food.
The remainder of our shopping was considerably better, but owing to our innitial stresses and the fact that we had a fossil for a credit card, we ended up with half the items on our list. No fromage! :(
Silver lining? I remembered NOT to call grapes "des grapes" (grapes=du raisin) and I even remembered the word for kale, chou frisé!
Worst Mistake made? I accidentally purchased curdled milk, thinking it was yogurt.
I shouldn't say worst mistake, no that's not fair. It was a little bit of an unpleasant surprise the next morning when I scooped a heaping spoonful into my mouth, but hey, I never tried cottage cheese before, so in the end it's just another first! Though I will say it takes some getting used to.
Oh and I also couldn't figure out how to get my roller bag to stand up so every time I tried to place my groceries inside it, it would start rolling away (I guess I could have used that cart afterall). But I suppose that's more of a technical difficulty than a cultural one. I did finally figure it out, when we got home.
Lesson Learned? Many.
But, of them, that there is a reason French don't use many condiments. It's because they have damn good steak! I found that out later while preparing le diner. I also learned that 1 lb = approx. .5 kg, knowledge I will never again be without when navigating one of Paris's many "food labyrinths"**! And now I pass this valuable wisdom on to you.
Deux biftecs fresh from la boucherie !
Finished product! We may have stumbled through, but we eventually made it to the end of this labyrinth! And it was tres delicieux!
Stay tuned for my next post: My Top Ten Embarrassing Moments in Europe (maybe we should make that 20).
Until then, bon appétit ! And au revoir from paris!
Tomorrow: faire des courses (grocery shopping) round 2! Let's hope for some improvements!
*Apparently you have to pay one euro to use them, which is then returned during checkout. Who would have thunk it?
** I put this in quotes because throughout my travels I have been constantly referencing the 1986 film "Labyrinth" starring the mesmerizing David Bowie as Jared the Goblin King (let's not even mention those spandex!oops too late:-)) and Jennifer Connolly as Sarah. In fact Gurpreet forbid me from using the word "labyrinth" for the remainder of our time together. But I must give credit where credit is due and say that it was indeed because of this occult classic that I first learned the truth of "taking things for granted"; in the same way that Sarah's presumptions of normalcy don't hold true in The Labyrinth, I too have found that it is foolish to assume/ presume to know even the slighest detail in my travels. I cannot take such details for granted or I am quickly educated on their true nature, as was the case that I illustrated above.
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