Falling for Something New

What is it about the fall season that inspires us to take chances and try something new? Perhaps it’s the faint scent of burning wood that fills the air, or the maroon and honey colored leaves preparing for their final glorious flight. Even the autumn winds that whisper through the trees bring forth mystery and excitement. Whatever the reason, the fall feels both new and familiar: a paradoxical spark of magic. It speaks to each of us at our deepest level letting us know that it’s time for change.

Get ready for more falling leaves!

And so, it is in this spirit of transformation that I will set off through the night sky. In six days I plan to arrive in a place I've never been before: Paris, France. My boyfriend Gurpreet and I are renting a car to drive from Paris to Italy, making plenty of stops along the way. This adventure will be followed by three weeks spent living in Paris and two weeks with my friend Brian backpacking through Europe.

The excitement I have for this journey far outweighs the fears, but unfortunately it can’t erase them. This is the trip of a lifetime. I ask myself: how will I spend my time? What should I take from this experience? Will I make the most of the opportunities that await me? The pessimism sets in and I can’t help but worry about the infinite “what ifs” like getting lost, botching my French, or missing out on that exquisite restaurant just off the beaten path. But beyond my superficial worries, there is one concern that far outweighs all the rest. It charges on through me, chilling my bones like an erratic and unruly gust of wind.

You see, there will come a day when I’ll wake up alone knowing nothing and no one, not even the language.

That's because Gurpreet will head back home and I'll be left to do, well, whatever it is I feel like doing. The smells will be different. The sounds will be strange to my ears. The old roads will lead me to new places. There will be experiences that though I can’t imagine now, will illuminate my new found solitude and test my pertinacity.

I know what you’re thinking: how terribly trying, three weeks spent alone in Europe, how will she do it? Well, I know how lucky I am, or at least I think I do. But perhaps it's partly because of my awareness that these fears grab hold and take root. If I don’t make the most of every moment that I've been so fortunate to receive, then I’m in serious danger of wasting my precious opportunity. It’s kind of like collapsing a pie crust after having learned to bake pies alongside Martha Stewart; if you fail then it’s one-hundred-percent-no-doubts-about-it your fault, or so one would believe.

I can already sense the unmistakable feeling of loneliness riding along the September winds. There is a comfort that I’m leaving behind, that of a home, and the familiar faces, foods, and routines that make it so. But there is something else I'm leaving behind too. There is a very real stagnation that occurs when one is subject to too much routine, too many of those familiar comforts. I need to leave that behind as well. Deep down I know that if I don’t leave I risk much more than if I go: I risk taking my life for granted. I risk missing out on many of the splendors this world has so generously afforded. If I don’t try new things, take some chances, how will I open myself? How will I grow?

I suppose the only thing left to do is fall—fall forward, using my senses to guide me.  

It's taking me time to come to terms with the fact that I can't control the outcome, but I’m excited to contemplate the possibilities, and believe me, there are many.  Perhaps I’ll make a friend, or two. Suppose that friend will one day say to me “imagine we never met” and then I, for the briefest of moments, will actually entertain this notion. I’ll wonder what would or wouldn’t have been if I never took those first steps, boarded the right (or wrong) train, got tongue tied over my own bumbling French, broke bread with strangers... 

What would be if I never dared to let go and fall for something new?

Time to take a chance? Brown's in Ocean City, NJ is a yummy place to begin!

Trying freshly baked fall donuts at Browns

Bye Bye Summer !